An enlightening quote from my boyfriend: “Love happens to men. They don’t go looking for it.”
What prompted this declaration? A commercial for Match.com. My sweetheart watched it, then noted that many of his friends use that dating service. I chimed in, “Oh, mine too! I know a lot of people who are in relationships now because of it.” He then gave me a rather perplexed look, and I realized we’d had one of those frequent episodes of male/female miscommunication. Apparently, the majority of men who sign up for these websites are just looking for a hot hookup, not an actual girlfriend. And it seems to work out pretty well for them.
I mostly avoided that awkward stage of man-hunting experienced by young women looking for a mate, so I can’t fully relate to the desire to sign up for one of these sites. But, like I said, I’ve known a few people who met their future husbands through them. I’ve also known a lot of women who have met super creepers on them. So my opinion is pretty much neutral on that subject.
But the larger commentary on dating in general is that unlike women, men don’t generally go on dates to find their soul mate. They go to find someone who will hopefully put out. Some women do the same, and I applaud them for capturing their full feminist power and utilizing it to get what they want. But they’re the ones who put out, and then they’re called whores. We all know how the double standard goes. There’s just no winning when you have a vagina.
But I do think women can learn a lot from this little exchange between my boyfriend and me. Whilst dating, ladies, know that the dude’s probably not looking to bunker down with you. The majority of men aren’t pinning for their perfect love. Most little girls daydream about their future mate; most little boys dream about seeing a girl naked. So when you go out to dinner with a guy, don’t think he’s looking to make you his girlfriend. He has one objective: have sex. (Yeah, yeah, I’m sure there are exceptions, I know not all men are so one-minded, blah blah blah, please get off my back.)
The beautiful thing is that while men will at no stage stop wanting sex above all else, they can and do fall in love. And when they do fall in love, it’s often a commitment so deep that we women can’t even appreciate it. Because, think about it – falling in love goes against all of the male genetic instincts that scream at them to FUCK ALL THE WOMEN!!! So when love happens to a man, you better know it’s REAL.
I think the takeaway from this is that women should, like men, just stop looking for love. It shouldn’t be something we try to force in existence, because it simply doesn’t work. Usually those relationships formed under the pressure to fit some marketed standard of hearts and happiness are the ones that quickly diminish. Real, true, eternal love, for both sexes, is something that just happens, easily and unexpectedly, without any of the stress, worry, and self-doubt that often accompanies dating. And when it happens, I promise, it’s magical. So be patient and let love come to you.